Early Risers Coffee Shop ® (  

Go Back   Early Risers Coffee Shop ® ("Where Friends enjoy Friends") > Jokes 2006-2017

Jokes 2006-2017 A place to post all your clean family oriented Jokes. Please do not post a Joke that you wouldn't want all your family members and friends to read.

 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 02-21-2010, 01:13 PM   #1
Popeye
Junior Member
 
Popeye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sacramento area, CA
Age: 78
Posts: 27
Default Garden Snakes

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).


Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.


A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.




That's when he shot her.
Popeye is offline  
Old 02-21-2010, 01:38 PM   #2
Calvin Wiles
The Old Fart Janitor
 
Calvin Wiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Panama, Oklahoma
Age: 82
Posts: 12,957
Default

Good one Popeye. Now I know why I don't like Snakes.
__________________
"The answer to all our problems is in God's Word, if we just search for it".
"No God no Peace, Know God know Peace".
"We control our own destiny".
Calvin Wiles is offline  
Old 02-21-2010, 02:54 PM   #3
Teddybear
Extraordinary Member
 
Teddybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: FEMA REGION V
Age: 71
Posts: 17,233
Default

Teddybear is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 06:14 AM   #4
rman
Extraordinary Member
 
rman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast Kansas
Age: 80
Posts: 64,188
Default

That sounds like something that could happen at our place!
__________________
I'm old enough to remember when mentally ill people were placed in hospitals, not in Congress or the White House.
rman is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 08:30 AM   #5
Vetter
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Central Florida
Age: 76
Posts: 62,704
Smile

Vetter is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 02:20 PM   #6
Bowhunter
Gunsmith
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Eastern Maine
Age: 81
Posts: 269
Default Best Snake Story Ever???

Here is a great snake story/joke that came out far better than I could have ever imagined! When we first bought our home in Alton, Maine, the meadow was quite long so I was mowing it on my ride around mower when I rode over something that looked like a good size "rattler"! Knowing that there are no "rattlers" in Maine I stopped and got off to look at it. It was a "rubber" snake, fairly good size that looked just like one of Arizona's "rattlers". Kids had lived there before and I found quite a few "rubber" varmints in that meadow. I took it in to show the wife and she got a kick out of it. Since I hadn't hurt it any with the mower, I was wondering what I could do with it. Then a "great" thought came to me. My cousin's son had planted a big garden at her house and the tomatoe plants were getting pretty big along with other veggies! Bingo. Brainstorm! Knowing that he and a friend who had the garden with him "weeded" every 4 or 5 days, the wife and I went out to my cousin's when nobody was home and I "hid" the snake under one of the tomatoe plants. My cousin's son went out to "weed" the garden a couple of evening's later with his girlfriend and "he" found the snake. He jumped back cussing and hollering "SNAKE" and his girlfriend took off screaming and running up to the house! He took off running himself and went into the house looking for his .22 rifle! Realizing it was at his house (about 6 miles away) he ran accross the street to a neighbor and borrowed the neighbor's .22 rifle, ran back to the garden, not realizing that a "real" snake would probably not still be in that "same" spot and proceded to put 6 .22 long rifles in that "rubber" snake! When the snake "bounced" as he shot it, he "finally" figured out it was a "rubber" snake. Oh, he was fit to be tied, realizing how stupid he had been. Now the only "question" was, "WHO" put the snake there. I get a call right away from my cousin wanting to know if "I" was the one who put it there? Of course I "fained" ignorance and after a brief conversation, my wife and I piled into the car and headed for my cousin's. When we got there, checking out the scene of the "rubber" snake masacre, I could no longer hold my tongue and busted a gut laughing! Now the "cat" was out of the bag and they all "knew" who the culprit was. I couldn't have "orchestrated" it any better than it came off if I had wanted to! It remains to date, the "best" stunt I have ever pulled on anyone! He still reminds me every time we get together that he still "owes" me one!......................Dick
Bowhunter is offline  
Old 02-23-2010, 03:09 PM   #7
Calvin Wiles
The Old Fart Janitor
 
Calvin Wiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Panama, Oklahoma
Age: 82
Posts: 12,957
Default

Dick, now that's funny.
__________________
"The answer to all our problems is in God's Word, if we just search for it".
"No God no Peace, Know God know Peace".
"We control our own destiny".
Calvin Wiles is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Our garden is done Teddybear Gardening 11 08-31-2018 01:50 PM
Your 2011 Garden! Calvin Wiles Gardening 39 07-21-2011 08:33 PM
Italian Tomato Garden rman Jokes 2006-2017 3 06-22-2011 05:10 AM
Your 2010 Garden! Calvin Wiles Gardening 28 05-08-2010 12:17 AM
More garden caneman Gardening 8 05-05-2010 01:15 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:03 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Early Risers Coffee Shop ® Registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office