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Jokes 2018- A place to post all your clean family oriented Jokes. Please do not post a Joke that you wouldn't want all your family members and friends to read. |
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03-05-2019, 07:08 AM | #1 |
Extraordinary Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast Kansas
Age: 80
Posts: 64,188
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A few quick jokes
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently, a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild love making, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: "The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?" Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humor!" (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.) I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast until 10:30. My missus packed my bags and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!" The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.)
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I'm old enough to remember when mentally ill people were placed in hospitals, not in Congress or the White House.
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03-05-2019, 02:07 PM | #2 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Central Florida
Age: 76
Posts: 62,704
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03-05-2019, 06:13 PM | #3 |
Extraordinary Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: NW Montana
Age: 67
Posts: 13,730
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They call me a Fudd (Fatal Urban Dealer of Death) because I carry a .45 ACP
(1) 45 ACP = (2) 9MM |
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