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Jokes 2006-2017 A place to post all your clean family oriented Jokes. Please do not post a Joke that you wouldn't want all your family members and friends to read. |
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01-08-2010, 07:59 PM | #1 |
The Old Fart Janitor
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Panama, Oklahoma
Age: 82
Posts: 12,957
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Rules of Oklahoma!
Since we are getting quite a few Okie's on the Board, though I'd better post the Rules for Oklahoma.
Rules of Oklahoma : 1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot. The bill on your cap is to keep the sun off of your face not the back of your head and neck. 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one. 4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 9. We open doors for women. That is applied to ALL women, regardless of age. 10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat . . .IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born. and bred in the West . . and real chili never met a tomato! 12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 13. College and high school football & basketball is important here and fun to watch. 14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University.*They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays. ---disclaimer: I prefer to use University of Oklahoma here, but I'm not the one who wrote the rules. 16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so 'Don't Mess with Oklahoma ' If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Oklahoma is the Greatest State EVER!
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"The answer to all our problems is in God's Word, if we just search for it". "No God no Peace, Know God know Peace". "We control our own destiny".
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01-09-2010, 06:58 AM | #2 |
Extraordinary Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: FEMA REGION V
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I'm starting to like Oklahoma more and more all the time. I just wonder if they would let me move there?
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01-09-2010, 07:35 AM | #3 | |
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southern Kansas
Age: 70
Posts: 27,520
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Quote:
Sure they would, Teddy. Oklahoma needs some people with some sence such as yourself!
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Never take a squat with your spurs on. Will Rogers |
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01-09-2010, 09:26 AM | #4 |
The Old Fart Janitor
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Panama, Oklahoma
Age: 82
Posts: 12,957
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Come on Teddybear. You would fit right in down here. You could help us repel some of that wind from Kansas.
__________________
"The answer to all our problems is in God's Word, if we just search for it". "No God no Peace, Know God know Peace". "We control our own destiny".
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01-10-2010, 06:48 AM | #5 |
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southern Kansas
Age: 70
Posts: 27,520
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Never take a squat with your spurs on. Will Rogers |
01-13-2010, 01:35 PM | #6 |
Extraordinary Member
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Location: Northeast Kansas
Age: 80
Posts: 64,188
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I'm old enough to remember when mentally ill people were placed in hospitals, not in Congress or the White House.
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01-13-2010, 01:46 PM | #7 |
Extraordinary Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: FEMA REGION V
Age: 71
Posts: 17,233
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01-13-2010, 01:53 PM | #8 |
Extraordinary Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast Kansas
Age: 80
Posts: 64,188
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I was referring to the "wind from Kansas" statement by Calvin. About 8 months out of the year, the predominant winds in Kansas come from the South - namely Okieville. We're pretty conservative and patriotic here too Teddybear - we'll take ya in a minute!
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I'm old enough to remember when mentally ill people were placed in hospitals, not in Congress or the White House.
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01-13-2010, 06:23 PM | #9 |
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southern Kansas
Age: 70
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You bet we would!
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Never take a squat with your spurs on. Will Rogers |
01-13-2010, 07:46 PM | #10 |
The Old Fart Janitor
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Panama, Oklahoma
Age: 82
Posts: 12,957
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Teddybear, compared to where you're at, either place would be an improvement. The big difference is if you are a upright citizen and don't want to hide for anything Kansas would be a good place. Now if you want to get somewhere you can hide, where even your kinfolks can't find you, then Eastern Oklahoma is the place. Just have to be careful and not walk upon a pot grower or still unexpectedly. Most Lawman and Game Wardens stay on the main roads around here. We have a Correctional Center about 30 miles south of here, and they don't have to guard it. It is so wild and woolly that when the inmates decide to walk off, most of the time they walk out to a road, or back to the center, and turn themselves back in, to get out of the mountains.
__________________
"The answer to all our problems is in God's Word, if we just search for it". "No God no Peace, Know God know Peace". "We control our own destiny".
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