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Jokes 2006-2017 A place to post all your clean family oriented Jokes. Please do not post a Joke that you wouldn't want all your family members and friends to read.

 
 
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:05 PM   #1
J_B
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Default New Bark Collar

Funny!!!

My idiot neighbor has been complaining that my dog had been barking non-stop when I leave the house.

If you know me, you know I hate the electric zapping bark collars. So, I purchased a Citronella collar. So, before I had to leave, I was getting the collar ready. There was no light or indication that it was working, so, being the idiot I am, I'm standing on my back porch "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens.

I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens.
Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did; I put on the collar. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked.

Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to squirt bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, Gunner is now barking at me. So, between coughing and yelling at the dog to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face.

During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.

I finally get the collar off and threw the **** thing across the yard. There I am laying in the grass (and probably dog ****) sucking in the cool Fall air.
In the middle of thinking this probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me,"I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it" So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower, doing a walk of shame past Rick, so I wouldn't be smelling like eau de Tiki Torch.
Lesson learned.

Next time:

1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.

On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
And now that even though this does sound like something I'd do I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good chuckle... so, feel free to do the same
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:16 PM   #2
Vetter
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Good one Jon, dumb a$$! That's worse than Kansas peeing on an electric fence!

Last edited by Vetter; 10-11-2017 at 08:08 AM.
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Old 10-11-2017, 06:52 AM   #3
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That would be a funny sight!
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Old 10-11-2017, 02:16 PM   #4
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Not unlike the fellow who you-tubed himself testing his new taser on his leg.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:48 AM   #5
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That's funny!
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